In my Master..

I’ve thought about this for months…
Months ago I didn’t know…now I do
In a dominant I know what I want:

This is for Him.

Trustworthiness:

This is probably number one on my list. How can you totally surrender to someone who does not give you a reason to trust them?

Trusting someone to beat you while you are bound is often easier than trusting them with the many secrets and hopes of your heart and soul. That is why I am very careful about who I let in to my mind and heart.

Communication Skills:

He should be able to communicate. Communication and talking are not the same thing…this I have learnt.
Along with communication comes Listening.
Listening to what’s being said and to sort out the real meaning behind the words.

He also has to be able to express his wants and needs to me in a way that I can understand.
I not only want to know the deed, but your motivation behind it. If I do not understand what is expected of me, how can I ever succeed in pleasing You?
Communication is a two way street. I hope I’m now showing this and making it a priority that will keep us together and closer than I have ever been with another person.

To be Able to Love:

Without a loving heart, You become nothing more than a set of rules and a taskmaster.
He must be able to love Himself as well. If He is not capable of seeing Himself as lovable, then he’ll never accept the love that I will so freely offer.

When I see You give attention to my children, I see a the kind of man I want to give my heart to for a lifetime. Your instincts to comfort, protect and nurture are developed so beautifully.

A Willingness To Teach:

A great master is a great teacher. That’s part of the job of being a Dom. He’s going to be teacher for the duration of our relationship. He needs to have patience. He will reward when a lesson is learned and wants me to become all I can be.
One of the primary goals He should have is creating an environment where I can grow and develop emotionally and intellectually.

A true Dom will teach by setting the example. If He wants respect He shows it to others. If He wants loyalty, He is loyal. If He wants honesty, He is honest.

I want for someone who is my intellectual equal or superior. This is important to me because if I will probably not be satisfied intellectually with someone who is not able to meet or challenge me on a whole.

Sense of Humour:

Being able to see the sense of humour in life’s little adventures is important in a partner and a relationship for me. Being able to laugh, especially at oneself, is a very strong character trait – it shows the confidence, and compassionate part of them.

I want to know that there will be consequences when I disobey and that he will consistently apply them:

This never seemed quite as important to me as it is now.  It should not mean that one of the things that are critical should be neglected because He is afraid of hurting me. I can become despondent when I have done something wrong and the only way to move past it sometimes is to face and take that punishment in such a way He can only be proud of you.
That punishment is the only thing that helps me move on, even if it still appears I am pouting. I call it more of a reflection.
No, it is not a way to get spanked or beaten. It is not a way to force Him to play with me. It is critical to my wellbeing to know that I will be handled in the way I need to be able to move forward. I do not enjoy punishment.

I want to know that he can control himself.

How can a dominant control a submissive if He is unable to control himself? I want to know that when I chose Him – He is in control of his own life and emotions. It is hard enough to do everything as perfectly as I can for Him, without having to think of all the things I need to avoid to not face a temper. A dominant that screams and shouts to get things done, is not attractive.

I want to know that I will be safe and that He knows what He is doing or at least would want to be willing and committed to research.
I know we are new and there is lots of chemistry.
I do not want to be with someone who will hurt me unintentionally. I want to feel safe and cared for.  I have already been in one of those relationships; I do not want a repeat.

I want to know that He understands me.

I do not want to be with someone who is looking for a slut or a tart and nothing else.
I am looking for someone that knows that I want to serve and that I am not a doormat who wants to be abused.
I am looking for the man who knows that I need to be controlled and I need to give my all. There is no halfway, and I need to know that all of me is not too much. He will never berate me as weak or desperate.

I am looking for what I have
I am very lucky

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Obedience

I consider myself to be an obedient person.
Always have been a rule follower….well really a follower..
My parents would likely disagree with that considering though

I’m good at following rules.
I like structure.
Being a rule follower – obedience – is what makes me what I consider makes me to be a good submissive.
He tells me what to do and I do it. With a few exceptions, of course.
Rules make me…They fill the urge to please…The need that flows through my veins
I know where I stand with them
I’ve forgotten some rules, but I don’t consider that being disobedient. To me, disobedient is intentionally not doing something
I forgot because it’s week 1 of the rules and I blame it on my learning curve.

So what does obedience mean to you?
Why are you obedient?
I saw this as a topic of discussion on Fetlife under a Slaves post which got me thinking…
Interestingly, the discussion mostly centered around trust.
Can you be obedient to someone you don’t trust?
Can you be obedient to someone who doesn’t trust him/herself?
Can you be obedient if you don’t trust yourself?
I have mixed feelings about this. Because I trust AD whole-heartedly with my mental and physical self, I don’t have an issue being obedient to Him. And I think if you don’t trust yourself, that’s the perfect opportunity to be obedient to someone else who has your best interests at heart.
But some of the slaves brought this up: If you don’t trust yourself to make good decisions, will you know if the person you’ve given your trust/submission/obedience to actually has your best interests at heart?

I think the big one for me is being obedient to someone who doesn’t trust him/herself.
A dom should be sure of himself
I’m not sure if I could be obedient to that kind of person. But on the other hand, if giving my obedience to that kind of person actually helps him/her become more trusting of him/herself, then it’s a win-win, right?

What obedience comes down to for me is this: It fucking feels good. It feels right. I love saying “Yes”
Being obedient gives me a sense of purpose and pride.
Me being obedient makes Him happy.
And when He’s happy, I’m happy.

AutoFuck

I had a plan for my writing, my own inner guide I was gonna follow..

But tonight
I met AD (my dominant) and well we had fantastic spontaneous sex in the back of his car

Hot…Fast…Impulsive..Wet…Fucking
Are all words I’d use to describe it

Truly one of the best experiences I’ve had with him and there has been many so far
I could cum thinking about it

An amazing first for me

No more vanilla

Looking at the way things are,
You may think that my journey into the BDSM lifestyle started with a certain trilogy of books. They were my first foray into reading erotic romance, they were a gateway drug of sorts into reading more erotic romance. And I found myself most drawn to erotic BDSM romance. The vanilla books just didn’t give me as much of a thrill anymore.
Soon after that I moved onto reading blogs and connecting with people online.

It all started to click for me: My desire to start and live this lifestyle really started even before I became obsessed with reading.
Some of my earliest fantasies are of bondage and in reality, I’ve been pushing my parents buttons for years, that always gave a thrill..
It wasn’t until I started reading that I discovered there was a name for and lifestyle surrounding what I really wanted and needed.
Also now I know it’s more than just in the bedroom.

That’s when I dropped onto Fetlife

My Master and I began our journey around mid 2013 through a series of online communication..
It soon escalated quite quickly as we were both sure on what we wanted.
Lust soon mixed with love and I found myself staring at my soul mate…
We are just compatible with life with each other not just bdsm
We are however still infants in this lifestyle and we continue to learn through our own experiences which are all so amazing.
We just know that it is right for us and this is our path.

New Words

I remember starting a journal…by hand this was at the beginning of high school so 1999.

I kept it for about 4 years

While non of if was of any importance it was definitely a representation of how I was feeling at that time in my life. Everyone in my family seemed to have a place, except me. Which, in reality, wasn’t true, but that’s how I felt at the time. 

After a huge spell of bad luck and blinded by grief I found myself on an online community and began blogging about my life. It’s like I had found my voice, the ache to be heard flowed constantly in my words, I just needed to speak and they listened. Topics of conversation were never hard, even when I didn’t really want to speak, writing helped so much that on days when I didn’t blog it seemed strange. 

Soon life got in the way, issues with mental health made me question my sanity so writing was out…I couldn’t communicate with myself let alone other people…

Life was black then

So being asked to do this in a set of rules provided by my dominant…is kinda like shaking the cobwebs off the keyboard and starting afresh. I hope the words just come as easily as accepting it did.